It was a simple matter of swapping air vent covers. All I wanted to do was take the broken cover, which I kept tripping over, and swap it with the vent cover under the bed. Easy, right? Except, like most things these days, it was anything but.

It began at lunchtime. I was in the middle of my soup. Jack had taken the broken vent cover out of the floor and was staring into the hole.

“It’s awfully dirty down there. You should stick your hand down there and clean it out.” he said. “Why don’t you do that?”

“There’s rubber gloves on the sink, dear. Why don’t you put them on and clean it?” I suggested. After a trying morning, I wasn’t in the mood for much. Jack pulled the gloves off the counter and tried to put them on.

“They don’t fit me. You’ll have to do it.” he said, tossing the gloves into my lap.

“I’m in the middle of lunch right now, dear. I’ll get to it later.” I said. Then I made my big mistake. “Why don’t you get the other vent cover out from under the bed?”

“We have one there?” Yes, dear. “Where is it?” Under the bed, just where you’re standing. Jack laboriously stretched himself out on the floor and stuffed his head under the bed.

“Is this your shoe?” he asked, holding it up. He tossed it over his shoulder into the middle of the floor. Then he pulled out a bowl. And a plate. And a crusted freezer container. “What do I do with these?”

“Give them to me dear. I’ll put them in the sink.” I stepped carefully over his legs and took the dishes, wrinkling my nose. By the look of them, they’d been there a while.

“Is this what you’re looking for?” Jack held up a slipper.

“No dear, we need the vent cover.” He held up a flip flop. I shook my head. He got frustrated and proceeded to unpack everything from beneath the bed, making a huge mess.

“What the hell are you looking for?” he finally demanded, after I’d shaken my head and repeated myself multiple times. I told him yet again. “Well, why don’t you just come and get it because I can’t find it.” I refrained from saying that, due to him lying on the floor, I could barely leave the table, never mind reach the bed.

“Do you see that vent on the floor?” I asked. He did. “Good. Take the cover off.”

“How do I do that? Show me.” Jack demanded, lifting the vent cover and waving it at me. “I don’t know how to do it.”

“You’ve already done it, dear. Thank you.” I rubbed my forehead, trying to fend off a headache. “Now take that cover and put it in the hole over here.” Jack promptly put it back under the bed. “No dear, we need that one over here. Can you take it back out?”

“I don’t know how to do that.” Jack said, taking it out again. “Where do you want it?”

“Put it on top of the bed for now.” I was trying to make things as easy as possible. Jack put it under the bed again. “No dear, on top of the bed. On top of the bed…Put. It. On. Top. Of. The. Bed. Thank you.” I got up, winced as Jack’s boot crunched my toes, and handed him the broken vent cover. “Put this in the hole under the bed.” Jack put it on top of the bed. “No, dear. Do you see the hole under the bed?” Jack nodded. “Put it in the hole.”

Jack put the cover in the hole. Then he looked at the massive heap of stuff scattered on the floor. “What do I do with all this?” he asked.

“Put it back under the bed. That’s where it all came from.” I said, dodging as Jack tossed my boot across the room.

“It won’t fit under THERE. You need to find a place for all your crap. You have too much stuff.” Jack grumbled, shoving part  of the heap back under the bed. Then he hitched himself along the floor on his behind, leaving the rest. “You need to clean the dirt out of here.” he said. I gave him a look. “Maybe I can get my hand in there.” He stuck his hand down the hole, scooped up wads of dust and dirt, and dumped them all over the linoleum. “You need to clean this up.”

“I’ll get the dustpan for you.” I got up, opened the closet door, and a box of pancake mix fell out, bouncing off my foot. I handed Jack the dustpan and sat back down, rubbing my foot. Jack looked at the dustpan and back at me. “I don’t have room to use it.” he said.

It has gone downhill since then. I am well into my Patience Toolbox, using everything at my disposal to stay calm. I’ve given up trying to get my own stuff done. For now that will have to wait.