I didn’t think I would write another post so soon. But today has been frustrating for several reasons.

I am learning yet again that pretty much anything I do for Jack is going to be up to me. A few days ago, I sent an email out, asking for information about adult day programs, being paid for caregiving, and suggestions on any avenues I might pursue to make life easier for Jack. I got an answer tonight, and I want to pull all my hair out.

For starters, there is no adult day care in this county. That’s right—none. The only program is in a different county, and Jack isn’t eligible since we don’t live there. Since we are a small town, we are—how did she put it?—underserved.

There is a senior center here in town, and they do lunch three days a week. But “they don’t do anything besides lunch”. All I would have to do is find a ride. I would probably have to go since Jack won’t go without me.

I can’t get paid to be a caregiver since the state is already paying for caregivers. A spouse cannot be a paid caregiver. I don’t know why the heck not, since I do more caregiving than anyone who comes in.

The paid caregivers, according to the email, are supposed to do things like dishes, laundry, cleaning, and helping Jack take care of himself. If they haven’t been, I should call the agency. But I’ve been told by the agency that those first three things are “gray areas” since Jack is married. He could get help with HIS laundry; but how do you sort out HIS dishes? What parts of the trailer are considered his? I would laugh if I didn’t feel like banging my head against the wall.

Jack’s care people normally take him out so I can get the cleaning, etc. done without being interrupted. But I’m out working during the week, so the cleaning doesn’t get done then, unless it’s raining. So cleaning is often reserved for Sunday, which is also shopping day. Know how much I feel like cleaning after I’ve been shopping all day?

I know I should be grateful for the help we do get. I AM grateful for it. My frustration stems from running into walls every time I want to make Jack’s life better. I haven’t been able to do it all myself.

There are certain things I’d like to give Jack that I haven’t been able to. I’d like him to get out more, to socialize more, to have things he looks forward to. But it looks like I will have to figure out how to get creative and do it all myself. I don’t see any other way to make things happen.